Missed Birthdays.
As we approach World Suicide Prevention Day ( WSPD) I reflect on another year without Daniel. On Monday 9th of September, I shall be attending the Missed Birthdays Installation in White City, London. In the last decade 6,929 young lives have been lost to suicide, my son Daniel was one of them. This year would have been his 25th birthday. The installation is a time for personal reflection and a call for action; a reflection that I hope others will learn from Daniel’s life and his story, and a call for action for more collective learning.
Daniel died by suicide in 2018 whilst at university, since then I and other members of The LEARN Network have campaigned to ensure lessons are learnt. We have worked with the Information Commissioner to ensure parents and loved ones are engaged when a young person is facing a potential crisis , petitioned for a statutory duty of care, lobbied ministers and politicians, provided written and personal evidence at select committees and engaged meaningfully with stakeholders. We remain committed to bring about change and work tirelessly with the National HE Mental health implementation taskforce. Our mission is to prevent others from experiencing the pain of missed birthdays.
We have developed personal and professional links with other committed campaigners such as the Steve Phillips ( Jordan Legacy), Debi Roberts ( Ollie Foundation), Paul Vittles (Towards Zero Suicide) and the Zero Suicide Alliance. These and many others have engaged in widespread debate, commitment and effort to breakdown stigma, effect change and bring hope. In spite of very clear progress in demystifying suicide, in spite of investment and funding and government pledges it is a sobering fact that suicide rates are moving in the wrong direction. The latest ONS statistics show a 7.6% increase in suicide and the highest rates since 1999. How much worse might it be without the efforts of campaigners and charities that are doing their best to effect change?
Are we really ‘Learning’?
Daniel was more than a statistic to me, ask anyone that has lost a loved one to suicide and they will tell you about the uniqueness of the person behind these shocking, sad and upsetting statistics. If there is so much individual and personal endeavour to reduce these preventable deaths why are the numbers increasing? The search for answers and understanding is both frustrating, emotional and complex.
However, when I speak to other bereaved families, when I reflect on conversations and stories behind Missed Birthdays I am continually left with one overriding feeling. I am left with the impression that nothing is being learnt. Our loses are as unique as the people we grieve for, but listen closely and you can hear the parallels, the overlaps, the missed chances or opportunities in the circumstances prior to the tragedy of each suicide. If only the ‘system’ could see these.
My personal reflection as I approach the anniversary of Daniel’s passing is that too often each tragedy is received in isolation. That at an individual, organisational and societal level we examine each story as just that, a sad tragedy. Sympathy, empathy and silence are dispensed in equal measure, platitudes spring forth with perhaps a hint of subtle judgement or misguided ‘that would never happen here/to me/my family’. This isolated approach means we miss the connections, in failing to look and work collectively we fail to join the dots, fail to see the gaps, miss the opportunities to improve; collectively the ‘system’ fails to learn. Organisations make the same mistakes.
Collective Action
If like many of us at The LEARN Network you have lost a loved one to suicide whilst they were at university then please take a moment to reflect and consider supporting the work of the National Confidential Inquiry into Suicide and Safety in Mental Health (NCISH). They have been commissioned to undertake a national review of higher education student suicides. This is an opportunity for collective learning. Consider sharing your loved one’s story with us at The Learn Network, we can ensure the voice of loss is considered and shared with the project team. I know it may be a painful story to share, but by sharing our collective stories I am convinced your story will make a difference. If you would like to share your story with us, please click here.
Let us remember the Missed Birthdays, lets share the person behind the statistic so that we might all learn from them and help save lives.
Thank you,
Lee
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